Book Intro

The life of ADD

The longer I live the longer I find out that life isn't always easy. You begin life normal but quickly develop, rather find out that things that are easy for others are not easy for you. You do things subconsciously that you realize you are doing afterwards but can't always help. Your enchanted childhood turns into a life of highs and lows, peaks and valleys that you can’t ever get away from.

You find yourself at home alone and depressed because you wish to G-d for once things would just be effortless even though you know they never are going to be. G-d did not create you to have an easy life. No matter how much you give back, how hard you work, or how great a love you have in your heart, happiness in the realm of the 'normal people' will never find you.At times you can take solace in the fact that in your eyes you see the world very clearly regardless of what age, gender, or race that you are.

There are some points you are content, and many times you can find comfort in the quirks you realize are part of your life that others never get to see.Growing up you find yourself happy without smiling, something few understand. You have a very tiny group of friends because you have already established that not many can handle you and your personality and the ones that can still seem to have a certain lifespan before they either get tired of you or are so into their own life that your high expectations can't always be met. You don't blame earn to respect it.The older you get you realize that some people get to a certain age and then they just become who they are going to be for the rest of their lives with a few minor changes here and there.

You on the other hand constantly have to evolve and mature because like a barren landscape millions of years ago, you slowly change over time defined by the winds, storms, earthquakes, weather and interactions that have accumulated.Then for some there is the unhealthy fear of death. Death of your family, as those are the only ones that willing or unwilling, have always been by your side. Fear of death as in scared that you will never reach the full potential of who you are before it is too late, before you have left your mark, your legacy that will forever be a reminder that you were somebody, a damned good somebody.

There is hope that the people you come across will remember you fondly and maybe after much time has gone by they will recall your name and think that here was someone that made a difference, or at least opened up their eyes to a view of life yet unseen.Maybe the toughest obstacle and area of most depression is love. Since you have already established that friends often have a shelf life no matter how close, soon after your first relationship your worst fears are confirmed.

The problem you have with friends is also going to be present in your love life, only with the potential to be even more demoralizing. In a way you are scared for your potential partners because they may not know what they are getting themselves into and if you told them upfront you would freak them out. On the other hand you know that they are getting someone incredibly special that if they want to open themselves up, can teach them a lot about life.However, not everyone wants to go through the ups and downs, personal demons and battles that are a part of everyday life.

They do not want to have to look at you having a straight face trying to figure out if you are at that moment happy or sad. Understanding that their boyfriend or girlfriend may see things differently than anyone else can be a good but also a bad thing, since you pick up on things most others miss but miss things others find transparent. If they are accepting of this will they are able to deal with their friends opinions, especially if you spend a lot of time with their friends. The one thing that is clear is that whoever it is will get treated better than at any point in their lives because to you they are angelic.